1. Alright, nerds, I didn't like this stupid underwater walking sim. If
you want to save time, skip the rest of this list and just flame me in
the comments. I am going to say exactly everything you expect me to say
and I'm right.
2. Gameplay is you swim around until it is time to stop swimming around.
3. For a superior experience to this, I recommend you stream David Attenborough's The Blue Planet
and just fiddle w/ a controller of your choosing. This offers the same level of player engagement and you can use a Sega
Saturn controller w/o the need for an adapter.
4. This is the
sort of game people describe as relaxing and atmospheric. By this, they
mean it's a glorified tech demo w/ almost no discernible plot or
challenge.
5. I am thoroughly glad that developers are
experimenting more and more w/ making games that are pointedly supposed
to be seen as art. I am upset that so many of these developers forget to
make a good game in the process.
6. The visuals and sound design
and music are very nice. This seems to be the only thing anybody ever
notices about it, which makes sense because that's all there is to it.
7.
I seemed to have played this less than most reviewers. Honestly, I'm
not sure if that's because I didn't finish or because I couldn't be
bothered to explore anything so as not to artificially extend the time I
spent being bored to tears. I got to a point in the game where gameplay
seemed to stop but I am truly not sure if that was meant to be the end
of the game.
8. I was happy to turn it off at that point though.
9.
The advertising copy for this game is unintentionally hilarious. "The
word ABZU is from the oldest mythologies." Riiiiiiiight...
10. PC
Master Racers take note: they suggest you use a controller for this game
for no real reason other than they couldn't be bothered to refine the
keyboard controls. I mean, seriously, are you telling me there no good
games w/ six degrees of freedom played w/ mouse and keyboard? Put some
work in, people.
11. Despite all my complaining about everything
else, I don't have an issue w/ price vs. play time on this. You know
that it's an animated fishbowl getting into this and that you can take
basically as much or as little time as you to explore so it's not like
the developers pulled the wool over your eyes or anything.
12.
Really, since they didn't seem the need to build gameplay into this
game, I don't see why I should have to do a full thirteen points in this
review.
13. OK, fine. This is point 13.
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