13 Points on Goats on a Bridge - Cabygon - 2015 [PC]

1. This is sort of a two player co-op game where you rage and hate your partner every step of the way. Only in this case, the devs make you be your own partner.

2. The devs are fuckers.

3. I hate myself.

4. This is seriously addictive and fun. It divides your brain and half and it feels weird and somehow makes you want your brain want your brain to feel like that even more.

5. The controls are pretty solid. I like using an Xbox controller better than the keyboard controls but keyboard controls had one advantage which was that it was much harder to accidentally go on a diagonal.

6. Graphics are bright and cute as is the music but this in no way alleviates the rage you feel when you get your hands mixed up and the one half of your brain goes to the wrong side of your head and left becomes right and right is wrong.

7. You can bump resolutions on this game all the way up to 4k and it actually makes it look a lot more clean and nice. The downside of this is the text boxes get too small to read.

8. You can't read them when you are playing anyway because you are too busy trying to figure out why the goat on the right is on the left and why when there's only one goat left, you lose.

9. I still feel cross-eyed twenty minutes after my last session but my eyes are straight as arrows. It is my brain that is crossed.

10. There are equipment upgrades but I never could quite figure out if they were only cosmetic.

11. The camera angle in this is kinda wonky by design. You are supposed to take two goats simultaneously at the same or similar rate of speed down their own individual bridges. If you get them too far apart--which is easier but not what you're supposed to do--the camera angle gets a bit too wide to see what's going on. This encourages you to play the more challenging way by making the more challenging way less challenging than the less challenging way.

12. This is the devs' first game, which they kind of wear on their sleeve a bit. It is a pretty well polished game in my opinion but there are a few things that irritated me here and there. After landing a jump or sliding under an obstacle, it seemed to take a metric hair too long to be able to jump or slide under an obstacle again. Sometimes the wonky camera angle by design seems to be a little wonky not by design. Also there are a few blind sections which seem to be there intentionally but feel unnecessary given this is a pretty hard game otherwise.

13. Holy crap, I have never played a game that infected my dreams w/ weird psychic gameplay remnants in shorter sessions than this. It is basically a legal kind of drug where you pay good money to be feel very confused and yell all your best curse words for reasons those around you do not understand.